Huge Leap....

Now you might find this a very strange subject three days before Christmas but I am about to take a huge leap. And quite frankly I am scared. No......one step further...I am terrified. I am going to throw away ALL OF MY BATHING SUITS. There it's out in the open and you should hold me accountable for this statement. You do know what this entails....right? Yep.....you got it. Doing the scariest shopping ever known to any woman....A N Y W O M A N!! I don't care who you are...that's some scary shopping. But since my very favorite thing to do is broil in the hot sun further advancing my brown spots and wrinkling my face, I will charge into the mall with Debit Card firmly tucked in hand and buy some new suits......I will not be shy, I will not hide in the dressing room afraid to come out and let anybody see me, I will boldly buy new suits.....and I am lying through my teeth. I will cower, I will be a shrinking violet, I will be a mess. But ya know what? That's months away, so I'm going to act as if that day will never come and clean out the bathing suit drawer. Thank you for your support.

A Delight

What a delight it is to watch my students take their mid-term tests. Their expressions are priceless. They frown. They scratch their heads and other parts of their anatomy. They twirl their hair. They slump. They stretch. They cross their legs. They stare blankly at the pages. Their heads are full of thoughts like.....'Maybe I should have believed her when she said to study this.'.....'I wonder how bad this is gonna hurt my grade.' I wonder if my mom is going to find out my grade before Christmas.'.....'I wonder if I'm going to be sitting through this class next year.'.......'I wonder if I can write really sloppily and she can't read it, if she'll just count it right.'....I wonder what conjugate a verb means'...'I wonder if we'll get a curve....nah, I know we won't'......I wonder why this is happening to me!' Room 11 on the Hill becomes a movie on these days...or a zoo.....actually both. I think ....I Bought a Zoo. I love my life!!

Deck The Halls......

My Halls are Decked.....but I think I'm going to Deck my Husband. I'm just waiting for the best time...and I'm pretty sure it's going to be when....not if....but when he asks ONE MORE TIME....."Now, when are all the kids coming in?". This question has been asked until I'm thinking about having little tiny branding irons made and burn the answers on the inside of his eyelids. I go through the list.....again......by the end of the litany his eyes have glazed over and he is thinking about something else entirely. I sit and wait because I KNOW THIS ONE IS COMING......"Now, when are they all leaving?". I think I'll buy one of those things the airport has that lists arrivals and departures and hang it IN FRONT OF HIS TELEVISION. But wait....we're not finished. Next question comes in about 15 minutes after the last one......this is pretty well scripted and has been for years......."Okay, now, where is everybody going to sleep?". So once again like the robot that I am....I start listing sleeping arrangements. I think the next time this particular question is asked,I"m going to say...."WITH YOU!". That'll get his attention......for about 45 seconds.....then the questioning and possible decking will begin. Merry Christmas To All.

Who Are You?

Have you ever thought about who you really are? Huh? I know.....that's what you're thinking. Of course I know who I am. I'm ___________________. But no, you're missing the point. Who are you? Truly? Honestly? To the core. In your soul. Who are you? Well, if you don't know by now, don't you think it's time to figure it out? Are you the person who would run into a burning building to save someone you didn't know? Are you the person who laughs when someone falls down? Do you stare at someone because they are different? Are you the person who immediately gives in a disaster? Are you the person who even THINKS about people who have been through a disaster? Maybe you're that person who stands back and watches other people run the course of life. Are you the person who is content to let someone else do it, worry about it, be it? Who are you? Do you open doors or slam them? Do you honk impatiently at the driver in front or to the side of you? Does that mean that your journey is more important and they are in your way? Do you even THINK? Is self the first word you think of in the morning and the last at night? Tell me, who are you?

Cockles..............

There is an old saying....I love old sayings......this one is.....To Warm the Cockles of Your Heart. I don't know what a Cockle is. Do you? I don't care what a Cockle is.....do you? There are just some days when I don't want to warm anything....not Cockles, not Hearts, not Minds....NOT NOTHING! (Ok English people...that was intentional). Some days I wanna freeze parts of people....I want to ice them over....take them out.....throw them down......rub them in.....I think I'm mean. There are just some days when I wanna hurt somebody. Anybody. I hope I'm not alone in this. I would hate to think I was the only person in the history of mankind who ever had this feeling. I think if you've had this feeling you need to feel comforted that you're not alone;I'm with ya. Now.....ROADBLOCK......I'm not advocating punching, hitting, slapping or anything violent. Possibly cause I'm old and weak and not very big and would get STOMPED INTO THE GROUND. I know this. I would like to brag that it's self-control that keeps me in check...but it's not. It's the fact that I don't like pain. So on those days when I wanna ICE your COCKLES...not warm them...I'll just stay away from you, but know this.....I'm Freezing your Cockles from afar.

Self Diagnosis

I have Shrinking Foot Disease. Yes I do. Now....you probably don't see the letters MD after my name, so you may be wondering just how I have been diagnosed. Here's the thing. I have on a pair of shoes today that I've worn several times over the last few week....I know....the HORROR of having to wear a pair more than once a month....anyway....today....the right shoe is way too big. So much too big that I can't keep it on when I walk. Thus....Shrinking Foot Disease. I'm devastated....why couldn't it be Shrinking Fat Disease.....now how much fun would THAT be?? Or Shrinking Arm Flab disease. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO the possibilities. Maybe Shrinking Rear End disease, followed closely by Shrinking Thigh disease. But no....sadly my Shrinking disease has centered on my right foot. I can see poverty in my old age because I'm going to have to buy two pair of shoes....same pair...but in two sizes....one for the left foot and one for the right. Hopefully I can find someone who also has this disease but in the LEFT foot.....then there is hope for my personal economy. So if you see me today.....don't walk to closely to me.......you don't want to have an eye put out by a shoe flying through the air! P.S....I'm hoping Shrinking Foot Disease is contagious and more WORTHY parts of my body will catch it!!

Road Trip.....

Is there anything better than a good road trip? Now....I'm thinking the term 'road trip' needs to be clarified. Here's the thing...if you're with a REALLY good friend, a good road trip just needs to be about 2.7 miles. If you're with a not so good friend.....maybe a little shorter. And if you're with somebody you really don't like...the road trip needs to end as soon as the key hits the ignition. You know what I mean? Yeah...you do. So this weekend I had a great road trip with a really good friend/sister in law. We sailed along the Texas hiways for miles...now if you're NOT a Texan...and God Bless Ya if you're not.......Texas hiways can be long. This road trip was about well...a long damn way. Anyway.....it passed in a flash. We were on VACAY.....we chatted, we discussed, we solved world problems, we discussed YOUR problems, we cleansed our souls. We made several 'pee' stops....we not quite but OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO so close nearly ran out of gas....and we ate junk food to our heart's delight. We had a ROAD TRIP. It was the best. So if you're in need of a good time....a great convo, soul cleansing, problem solving, heart lightening time.....schedule a road trip with a GOOD FRIEND.