Huge Leap....

Now you might find this a very strange subject three days before Christmas but I am about to take a huge leap. And quite frankly I am scared. No......one step further...I am terrified. I am going to throw away ALL OF MY BATHING SUITS. There it's out in the open and you should hold me accountable for this statement. You do know what this entails....right? Yep.....you got it. Doing the scariest shopping ever known to any woman....A N Y W O M A N!! I don't care who you are...that's some scary shopping. But since my very favorite thing to do is broil in the hot sun further advancing my brown spots and wrinkling my face, I will charge into the mall with Debit Card firmly tucked in hand and buy some new suits......I will not be shy, I will not hide in the dressing room afraid to come out and let anybody see me, I will boldly buy new suits.....and I am lying through my teeth. I will cower, I will be a shrinking violet, I will be a mess. But ya know what? That's months away, so I'm going to act as if that day will never come and clean out the bathing suit drawer. Thank you for your support.

A Delight

What a delight it is to watch my students take their mid-term tests. Their expressions are priceless. They frown. They scratch their heads and other parts of their anatomy. They twirl their hair. They slump. They stretch. They cross their legs. They stare blankly at the pages. Their heads are full of thoughts like.....'Maybe I should have believed her when she said to study this.'.....'I wonder how bad this is gonna hurt my grade.' I wonder if my mom is going to find out my grade before Christmas.'.....'I wonder if I'm going to be sitting through this class next year.'.......'I wonder if I can write really sloppily and she can't read it, if she'll just count it right.'....I wonder what conjugate a verb means'...'I wonder if we'll get a curve....nah, I know we won't'......I wonder why this is happening to me!' Room 11 on the Hill becomes a movie on these days...or a zoo.....actually both. I think ....I Bought a Zoo. I love my life!!

Deck The Halls......

My Halls are Decked.....but I think I'm going to Deck my Husband. I'm just waiting for the best time...and I'm pretty sure it's going to be when....not if....but when he asks ONE MORE TIME....."Now, when are all the kids coming in?". This question has been asked until I'm thinking about having little tiny branding irons made and burn the answers on the inside of his eyelids. I go through the list.....again......by the end of the litany his eyes have glazed over and he is thinking about something else entirely. I sit and wait because I KNOW THIS ONE IS COMING......"Now, when are they all leaving?". I think I'll buy one of those things the airport has that lists arrivals and departures and hang it IN FRONT OF HIS TELEVISION. But wait....we're not finished. Next question comes in about 15 minutes after the last one......this is pretty well scripted and has been for years......."Okay, now, where is everybody going to sleep?". So once again like the robot that I am....I start listing sleeping arrangements. I think the next time this particular question is asked,I"m going to say...."WITH YOU!". That'll get his attention......for about 45 seconds.....then the questioning and possible decking will begin. Merry Christmas To All.

Who Are You?

Have you ever thought about who you really are? Huh? I know.....that's what you're thinking. Of course I know who I am. I'm ___________________. But no, you're missing the point. Who are you? Truly? Honestly? To the core. In your soul. Who are you? Well, if you don't know by now, don't you think it's time to figure it out? Are you the person who would run into a burning building to save someone you didn't know? Are you the person who laughs when someone falls down? Do you stare at someone because they are different? Are you the person who immediately gives in a disaster? Are you the person who even THINKS about people who have been through a disaster? Maybe you're that person who stands back and watches other people run the course of life. Are you the person who is content to let someone else do it, worry about it, be it? Who are you? Do you open doors or slam them? Do you honk impatiently at the driver in front or to the side of you? Does that mean that your journey is more important and they are in your way? Do you even THINK? Is self the first word you think of in the morning and the last at night? Tell me, who are you?

Cockles..............

There is an old saying....I love old sayings......this one is.....To Warm the Cockles of Your Heart. I don't know what a Cockle is. Do you? I don't care what a Cockle is.....do you? There are just some days when I don't want to warm anything....not Cockles, not Hearts, not Minds....NOT NOTHING! (Ok English people...that was intentional). Some days I wanna freeze parts of people....I want to ice them over....take them out.....throw them down......rub them in.....I think I'm mean. There are just some days when I wanna hurt somebody. Anybody. I hope I'm not alone in this. I would hate to think I was the only person in the history of mankind who ever had this feeling. I think if you've had this feeling you need to feel comforted that you're not alone;I'm with ya. Now.....ROADBLOCK......I'm not advocating punching, hitting, slapping or anything violent. Possibly cause I'm old and weak and not very big and would get STOMPED INTO THE GROUND. I know this. I would like to brag that it's self-control that keeps me in check...but it's not. It's the fact that I don't like pain. So on those days when I wanna ICE your COCKLES...not warm them...I'll just stay away from you, but know this.....I'm Freezing your Cockles from afar.

Self Diagnosis

I have Shrinking Foot Disease. Yes I do. Now....you probably don't see the letters MD after my name, so you may be wondering just how I have been diagnosed. Here's the thing. I have on a pair of shoes today that I've worn several times over the last few week....I know....the HORROR of having to wear a pair more than once a month....anyway....today....the right shoe is way too big. So much too big that I can't keep it on when I walk. Thus....Shrinking Foot Disease. I'm devastated....why couldn't it be Shrinking Fat Disease.....now how much fun would THAT be?? Or Shrinking Arm Flab disease. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO the possibilities. Maybe Shrinking Rear End disease, followed closely by Shrinking Thigh disease. But no....sadly my Shrinking disease has centered on my right foot. I can see poverty in my old age because I'm going to have to buy two pair of shoes....same pair...but in two sizes....one for the left foot and one for the right. Hopefully I can find someone who also has this disease but in the LEFT foot.....then there is hope for my personal economy. So if you see me today.....don't walk to closely to me.......you don't want to have an eye put out by a shoe flying through the air! P.S....I'm hoping Shrinking Foot Disease is contagious and more WORTHY parts of my body will catch it!!

Road Trip.....

Is there anything better than a good road trip? Now....I'm thinking the term 'road trip' needs to be clarified. Here's the thing...if you're with a REALLY good friend, a good road trip just needs to be about 2.7 miles. If you're with a not so good friend.....maybe a little shorter. And if you're with somebody you really don't like...the road trip needs to end as soon as the key hits the ignition. You know what I mean? Yeah...you do. So this weekend I had a great road trip with a really good friend/sister in law. We sailed along the Texas hiways for miles...now if you're NOT a Texan...and God Bless Ya if you're not.......Texas hiways can be long. This road trip was about well...a long damn way. Anyway.....it passed in a flash. We were on VACAY.....we chatted, we discussed, we solved world problems, we discussed YOUR problems, we cleansed our souls. We made several 'pee' stops....we not quite but OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO so close nearly ran out of gas....and we ate junk food to our heart's delight. We had a ROAD TRIP. It was the best. So if you're in need of a good time....a great convo, soul cleansing, problem solving, heart lightening time.....schedule a road trip with a GOOD FRIEND.

The Case of the Prodigal Shoe.....

It's absurd. Truly. Years ago....maybe 6 or so, I went on vacation and left a sandal underneath a bed at the resort. Cute sandal...I mean a 'knock your socks off' cute sandal. I was so distressed when I got home. Both because I wasn't still on the beach doing m'thing and also because I had left the sandal. Here's the absurd thing.....maybe absurd to the 100th* or absurd squared...whatever....math is NOT my strong suit. I have kept the other sandal. Yes...it is still in my closet. Why do you think I've done this? Do you think that I think the resort will suddenly say....O Yeah...we've never sent that sandal to its owner....maybe we should do that. Really? Should I believe they remember ME? DO NOT ANSWER THAT!!! Maybe I think one night very late there will be a knock on my door...and I'll open it to my sandal being there. The sole will be worn thin from the long walk it's had to take to get from Mexico to my door. The shiny sparkle will be a little tarnished. But you know what? If that happens, I'll throw a party. I will welcome Sandal home with open arms. I will spit and polish. I will reintroduce it to it's mate. It will be quite the extravaganza. The Return of the Prodigal Sandal.......I've lost my mind. Truly!!

CL

Tonight I feel the need to address.......cat litter.....I tried to whisper when I typed that. I hope you heard me without straining your ears too much. The world is a divided place.....either you are a cat lover....or a cat hater. Dogs.....you can be ambivalent about...not cats. But here's the thing......things go in...things come out....surely I don't have to SPELL THIS OUT!! If you have an indoor cat, then you have cat litter. Everyday.....you must deal with it. So the question hangs in the air.....do you really look cute bent over a litter box scooping clumps, clods, ooooooo the indelicacy of it. I'm going to answer my question...YOU DO NOT LOOK CUTE. You just don't. No matter the outfit, the shoes, the fresh mani/pedi, cute hair...darlin' ya don't look cute. And then where the heck do you put the litter box? Is there any place in any person's house that has that ooooooooooooooo so purrrrrfect(sorry, couldn't resist) place to put a litter box? Have you ever read an ad in your local newspaper...in the real estate section... that touted a house because it had the perfect litter box space? Do builders work for hours on blue prints just to design that one spot where the cat can......DO IT'S THING? I have a cat...I have a litter box.....I have the angst of the entire thing. It's an abomination. I have a scoop. It's blue plastic....I wonder if I bedazzled it, I would feel better about the entire process. I really really wonder if Litter Boxes were in God's plan in the seven days he worked so hard to create the world. This begs the question.....were there litter boxes on the ARK....hey Noah...don't forget the litter box.....you'll be sorreeeeeeeeeeeeee if you do. Okay...I think you probably think I'm insane and I probably am. I really can't fathom that anybody else in the entire universe is blogging about litter boxes at this moment. I wish that made me feel special...the fact of the matter is...I'm a little sad and scared. No, make that a lot.

Poverty

There is rampant poverty on the Brannan Farm. We are a Third World Farm. Poverty of the worst kind......towel poverty. You know that moment when you actually LOOK at your towels and think....o good gosh.....I hope no one drops by for a bath. I would have to say.......take a long soak while I run to Wally. I don't know why this happens. Why my towel-o-meter doesn't keep up with the condition of our linen closet. It should have gone off decades ago. Most of these towels I'm sure were washcloths during the Watergate scandal, hand towels shortly after Nixon resigned, then grew to adult towelhood during the Ford presidency. No, this is NOT a political statement. It is just a fact and a very sad one at that. I swear some of them you can see through which is NOT a good thing if you have wrapped yourself securely with these poor things then have innocently stepped in front of a mirror. H-O-R-R-O-R!! Tell me.....do YOU want to see through your towel when you are in front of your mirror? Okay....so you're narcissitic. I, on the other hand, rather live my life perfectly oblivious to the state of what lies beneath my towel wrapped body. I want new towels. I want soft, plush, warm, soothing towels. I want vibrant colored towels. I mostly want towels that hide the fact I've had TWO Coke Classics today along with popcorn, Cheetos and other assorted snacks. So for the sake of my self esteem, my embarrassment and also my laziness, please DO NOT drop by my house today for a bath and force me to run and buy new towels. I promise, I hold my right hand over my heart, I WILL end this state of towel poverty soon. Just not today when football is good, snacks are plentiful and I'm planning on drying off in the dark for the next few days. Peace Out!

Slump

I am in a reading slump and may I say I AM MISERABLE. Look out my window......cloudy, cold, dreary, uninviting......PURRRRRRRRRRFECT reading day. I have my couch, I have my blanket, I have my coffee, I have my dog and cat, I have my candle wafting a wonderful spicy scent, I have my crockpot ready to fill and slowly cook some wonderful autumn soup......yet I HAVE NO BOOK I can get in to. If you're a reader, you feel my pain. I have a Kindle full of unread books. Nothing fits the bill today. I'm like a workaholic with no work, a chocoholic with no chocolate. Raise your hand if you can sympathize with me. I want a book.....I want a really really really good book. I want a book that will take me away and let me live in another place and have different family and friends. NOW NOW NOW....do not think I don't love my home, family and friends. Dude, really? Geeeeeeeeeeeeeesh. If you are a reader, you will understand my angst. I'm in the middle of a pity party of indescribable depth. I'm wallowing in sadness. I'm drowning in my tears. I NEED A BOOK!!

Dreams Part Dos

Last night I was hiding in the very top of trees....possibly from the Bulgarians whom I insulted somewhat yesterday in this blog. There was a problem...well, actually two. First I'm not a fan of heights.......even 2 inches off the floor bothers me. Secondly, the trees were dead. Do you have a clue how hard it was to hide this body behind a dead tree limb? I was frantically looking for at least one leaf to help. Like the size of an Elephant Ear leaf. No where to be found. So there I was......the Bulgarians after me, and no Elephant Ear leaf to be seen. I could longingly see in windows of various houses with people going about their nightly family routines. Dinners were being eaten, TV's were being watched, conversations were being had.....NOBODY BUT ME was concerned about the Bulgarians. I wanted somebody to look out their window and bring me a ladder.....or a parachute. Yes...I was that high. Did they? No. I really was wishing at some point that my infamous chin hair ( you remember the 45 ft one from a couple of days ago) was still attached. I could have then been Rapunzel. I see the questioning looks....Google her. So because of this entirely more than ridiculous state of affairs, I am apologizing to Bulgarians everywhere. I WILL look you up on the map, I WILL buy Bulgarian Rosetta Stone, I WILL cook nothing but Bulgarian food.....wait, that might be going a bit far. Dont' mess with my food! Sorry Bulgarians.

I Have No Answer

Why would I dream last night of going to Bulgaria? Can you answer that? I knew you couldn't...why did I ask? Silly me! I can maybe understand a dream of going to Paris, or Hawaii or NYC......but BULGARIA? Now I'm certainly not trying to insult my Bulgarian readers.....of which I'm sure there are many, but I can not even tell you where Bulgaria is exactly.....or maybe even generally. In my dream I was in Bulgaria with my mother, who died in 1996. I dream about my mom a lot, so that part isn't unusual. I'm sure she's still worried that I might wear white shoes after Labor Day and that sort of thing. She was a true Southern woman who minded all the rules of etiquette. How, you might be asking, did she have a daughter like me. And to that question I will respond......SHUT IT!! Anyway...I had forgotten to pack a suitcase for our trip to exotic Bulgaria. I wonder if it was because since I had no clue where Bulgaria was, I also had no clue what month it might be there and I was unsure about my shoe situation. I don't know....but okay, fine. We were in a dress shop trying to buy me some clothes. ......a PROM dress shop. Do you think maybe I was going to a prom in Bulgaria? Do they HAVE proms in Bulgaria? I don't know.....maybe I should Google that and let you know. Truthfully you probably don't care about Bulgarian Proms....do you? Me neither. So that being said......I'LL SHUT IT. Can't wait to see where I go tonight.

Can You Imagine? I Can't!!

I have no friends nor family who love me. I know you possibly think I exaggerate, but I don't. None, nada.....zilch. Here is how I know.....quit reading if you can't stand gross detail. Just stop now. I won't blame you. I promise. But for those of you who have a very morbid sense of life, I'm going to continue because my psyche needs this and we all know it's ALL ABOUT ME! Yesterday I was getting ready to leave the house. I'm standing in front of my mirror...really really close cause I'm blind. I have to stand with my face nearly touching said mirror in order to even see my face....I digress. There in the mirror.....take a deep breath.....was a CHIN HAIR that was 45 feet long, it had been growing for at least a decade. I mean I turned around to see if it was winding out the bathroom door.....it was...... and through our bedroom .....you get the point. It was horrendous. It was horrific. It was truly mesmerizing. I wondered at that moment how I had walked around for the last 10 years without tripping. Just lucky I guess. Now, I ask you.....if I had a friend or family member who truly loved me.......wouldn't you think someone would have said something during these 120 months this chin hair has been growing? I mean come on............I wonder how I've managed not to get it caught in my car door. I wonder if it would qualify for Locks of Love. I'm in the process of contacting the Guiness Book of World Records. I'm sure I'll have statue depicting me and my chin hair in Tussaud's House of Wax. I'm certain at that point my friends and family will want free tickets; they'll be denied. I am a ship without a port, but I do have an oar....and it's 45 feet long.

Really?

Do you know anybody who falls off of a pair of flats? I mean really. Why do these things happen to me? I don't wear heels.....I wear flats. Today I had on THE cutest pair ever. Just the right shade of dusty pink to go with my outfit. I received compliments on them all day. I love them. But today, they got the best of me. You know how silly some women look when they are striding very confidently down the sidewalk in a pair of high heels and suddenly they fall off of them......the heel goes one way...their foot goes another. Well, not as silly as I looked today when I fell off my flats. Picture me...black skinny jeans, top with a huge flower on it in shades of red, pink and rose....cute long black sleeveless sweater.....precioussssssssssssssssssss flats. I'm walking down the halls of school like I'm SOMEBODY. I'm talking to kids....I'm issuing orders....I'm IN CHARGE. Suddenly my world changes. I have fallen off of a pair of flats. This isn't something who is in charge does. I think maybe I should just consider it a talent. Do you? I mean, can you fall off of a pair of flats? Please, it is an act of a professional......DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!

Nutz

Strange goin's on at the Brannan Farm. We got a new dishwasher installed over the weekend....that's a lie...we STARTED installing over the weekend and finished yesterday. But that's neither here nor there. It's no way strange for our projects to take a day or a century. One project took a millenium. Hang with me now. Here's the strange part. When we rolled out the old dishwasher, I was really kinda excited. I thought there was probably enough dog and cat hair underneath it to have a sweater knitted. You know they're doing that now, right? People are having sweaters and scarves knitted out of their deceased pet's hair. I'm not sure if that's normal or even legal. Okay,fine. No dog or cat hair was there.....only a WALNUT. A huge walnut. We don't eat walnuts. I don't cook with them...we don't munch on them. We are nuts but we don't EAT many nuts. How do these things happen? Don't you want to roll your dishwasher out of your cabinet now to see if you have a walnut under it? Betcha do! I looked around for the culprit....possibly a pet squirrel I didn't know we had. Missy, the dog, stood and stared at me hoping I would give her the walnut to eat. Chica, the cat, stared at the walnut, then at me as if to say... so?.....stranger things have happened in this house. Then she turned and walked away with her tail in the air. No one would take blame for the walnut. Unclaimed walnut. O well, just one more extremely strange, not to be explained phenomena on THE FARM.

Baby Steps...........

I do not know from whence it came, how's that for poetic writing, but my new dishwasher is taking baby steps to arrive underneath my o so impatient cabinet. It started out somewhere in Maytag Factory Land.....then made it's way to Lowe's in Abilene, Tx....and on down the highway to my house. It then sat like a lump in my entry for about 10 days. It was bored, I was impatient, my dishes remained dirty. Finally....TODAY IS THE BIG REVEAL....we are gonna take it out of it's cardboard house and install it. I waved a fond, but not sad farewell to my old dishwasher...Been Nice Knowin' Ya.....and happily sat and watched the goin's on of NDI(new dishwasher installation). I'm smiling, my dishes are ecstatic, the knives and forks are merrily dancing in the drawer. Lots of tools scattered along my bar and kitchen floor....even the puddle of water that leaked from my old DW and the water line did not disturb me. Nope it is a happy day on the Brannan Farm. Much grunting and growling and discussion commenced .....instructions read, arguments had. Nuts and bolts and all sorts of things flew around...then SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!! All action stopped. Conversation became stilted. Busy hands stilled. Frowns appeared. The new DW let out a sigh of frustration....or was that me? Part Alert, Part Alert.....We have a missing part. I feel like the kid at Christmas whose dad can't quite get the toys put together..... I AM THAT KID. So for now, because I live in a small West Texas town that doesn't have a hardware store open on Sunday, I must wait to play until tomorrow. My old DW gone, my new DW sitting like a blob in my kitchen and my cabinet looking like a 6 year old with a missing front tooth. The dishes are depressed, the forks and knives refuse to come out of their drawer. The baby steps have ceased. The only sound is the tap tap tap of water still dripping into a coffee can from the line underneath my sink. There is no Joy in Mudville....nor on the Brannan Farm.

Embarrassin'

I have a little situation that's somewhat embarrassing.....or has the potential to be. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't you be rather taken back if you walked in your front door with guests and YOUR dirty undies were scattered all over your house? I mean Chinese Laundry on the floor. I try to pretend that they are very small area rugs.....I'm not fooling anybody, but the effort is valiant. Now before you assume I'm a horrendous housekeeper.....not saying you'd be wrong...but okay fine.......I do not walk out the front door and leave my UNmentionables on the den floor, in the entry, kitchen or hall. It's m'dog. Missy the underwear carrying Rat Terrier. She goes to the dirty clothes and picks and chooses.....SOMETIMES it is a dress, blouse or pj's. That's bad enough....but I draw the line when it looks like the bad end of a sorority party in the family room. Do you have a clue why she doesn't just go ahead and put them in the washer, dryer, fold them and then put them in the dresser drawers? I asked her that. She looked at me like one of my kids used to when I asked them to do their laundry. Who me? Her little beady black eyes dart around the room, then look squarely at me. She haughtily raises her head and without another glance nor fare thee well, she jumps on the couch and settles down for a little siesta. Does she carry them back...nope. Does she act ashamed...not in this life time. Now I can just see you shaking your head and saying.....shut the doors to the dirty clothes hamper you idiot. Problem solved. Don't think so!! She can open them. Now your next suggestion is shut the door to the laundry room...I can see the wheels of your brain turning.......well, yes I could. But Chica, the cat's, litter box is in that room.....do I wanna deal WITH THAT???? Any more suggestions wise guy? I think not! So for now, I suppose I'll just have to give an UNDERWEAR alert to incoming traffic. Life is good on the Brannan Farm......bizarre but good.

Silence

I feel guilty......no, not of felony charges, but of no words. I have no words. I'm listening to the sound of silence. I'm a dictionary with blank pages. An empty conversation balloon over a character. I had no words this morning for my other blog. Hearts are breaking all over the free world. Actually they're not, but that makes me sound important. I'm just not feeling it today. Possibly this is a big relief to you because I'm silent. FOR A CHANGE. I wonder if I've used all my words for the next day, week or month. Maybe I have 'No Word Syndrome'. I think I'll Google that. It's probably a medical condition. Hopefully not a psyche condition, but I'm leaning toward that. I can see myself like Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. After that lobotomy.....his words were gone. He was DONE. Or maybe I'm just a Word Loser for awhile. I'm going to walk outside and see if there is a huge neon WL on the top of my house....blinking off and on. I would go looking for my words underneath my furniture, but I have to tell you....I'm NOT THAT BRAVE. Do you know what might possibly be under my furniture? It could very well be a small nation of weird things .....uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Not gonna look. If my words are there, they're on their own. I wonder if Chica, my cat, buried them in her litter box. Wouldn't that be just.......I have no words for that. So I shall just sit with my guilt and wait for my words to return. When they do, I will be glad to see them and offer them an ice cold glass of sweet tea....that's what we do here under the Lone Star. So far now.......it's Adios, Au Revoir, Ciao, Adeus, Farvel, Zai Jian, Good Bye!

Sad State of Affairs......

It is a truly shocking state of affairs in my house. I am having to live a life of near silence in my own home. Startling isn't it? I'm sure you're questioning why? Or maybe not because you couldn't care less. If that's your attitude, dude, then just quit reading now. For my compassionate readers who are now sitting on the edge of their chairs waiting for me to go on........I shall continue. You see my ELLIPTICAL has returned from a 3 month stay in Costa Rica. I gave it an all expense paid trip so well......so I could live a carefree summer without guilt. After all, if it's not here, I CAN'T USE IT!! But...the fact is now that I can hear it calling my name through the door of the room where it resides. It's back, it has returned, my life is not worth living. So here is my theory. If I'm quiet...and for you who know me that is virtually impossible....but if I am, then the reality is, it doesn't really know if I'm here or not. Maybe it thinks I'm still on vacay. So I'm tiptoeing around on bare feet(gonna be a problem when it gets cold), whispering to my husband and pets. I'm just so glad that it's not sitting by a window where it can look out and see me drive in and out of the driveway. I don't know how long I can pull this off....I am terrified. The fact is I think everyday my name is called a little louder. Pretty soon my neighbors may hear it....and they live across two pastures from me. Not only is it getting louder, its tone of voice is changing.....more shrill, more demanding.....NOT GOOD! As you can tell, I'm living in a Stephen King book. I wonder when I can't stand it any longer, and I give in, if I'll open that door to Cujo or Carrie working out? My fate is in the hands of a rabid elliptical who is a prom queen.

Problem...

I have a problem. I hate to admit it. But I'm gonna. My love seat cushion is flattening. In one place. Where I sit. What can this mean? Well, I think it's obvious. Perhaps I sit there.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, more than I should. I mean it is seriously beginning to flatten. Yes Yes, I know, I could switch the two cushions, but I think that may be a little like cheating. Here's something even worse. I think maybe the size of the flattened place is growing. Can I be perfectly frank? If it IS growing, I think we all know what that means. I really feel compelled to get out the tape measure and measure it.....but then I might be so depressed that I never get up. Then the entire love seat might flatten....and I'd lose my job, then the house. At that point my BFF love seat and I would be sitting on the side of the road. Maybe Flat Stanley could join us, but that's beside the point. Well, I guess more like lying on the side of the road since I'm not sure if a flattened love seat could sit. Somehow that doesn't appeal to me. Would it you? So I'm trying to consider my options. Cheating, measuring, ignoring. Those are my three doors. I think I'll pick door number four.

People Peepers

I love to people watch. Do you? I mean I wish it was my full time job. I wonder if I could find a company who would pay me to just sit and watch people. Or maybe it could be an Olympic sport and I could Bring Home the Gold. This past weekend I went to Grapefest....a festival in Grapevine, Tx. People watching at it finest. 265,000 souls walk Main Street over a 4 day weekend. I know this because I counted. I'm lying. I know this because I read it on a brochure. I was only there for Saturday afternoon. But I didn't lack for PW. I have to Blog about PW every time I have such a fine opportunity. So here's the thing. Some people have no mirrors. Some people have no concept of age. Some people realllllllllllllllly need good haircuts....me included at this moment. Some people clearly don't care. In my mind I give different ones names and life scenarios. O......that must be a Whale Watcher. The one standing to the left of him probably is a Storm Chaser whose name is Max. Then the lady strolling over there with that huge purse.....she owns a clock repair shop. How do I know this? Well, she had on 4 watches and possibly she was delivering them or maybe was going to stop and have a glass of wine and fix them while she too PW'd. Sitting at one of the tables was an Impersonator........he was impersonating Peter Fonda in Easy Rider. Tall, lean,lanky with beyond faded jeans, a long ponytail and a beat up motorcycle hat on his knee. I nearly asked him for his autograph. Then there were the eaters......they were busily looking around while munching on corn dogs, fried snickers, fajitas or huge ears of corn. Hungry now? I loved the bored men who were sitting outside the shops while their wives were inside touching every item. They were clearly wondering about the condition of their wallets and wishing to heck they were in front of a TV with a good game entertaining them while their spouses drained their life savings in those cute shops. I could see their eyes shaped like disappearing dollar signs. Every once in awhile they would touch their pockets hoping against hope there was money growing inside. There wasn't....I know this. I could go on and on about PW. It is free entertainment. Good exercise for your brain and imagination. Sometimes painful on the eyes....but always a good time. Did I see you at Grapefest? If I did, you can be sure I rewrote your life.

Mothers and 9/11

Today marks the anniversary of a truly devastating day in the history of the United States of America. I can remember my instant gut reaction as I was listening to the story unfold. I knew EXACTLY where my children were. Two of them were within a hundred yards of me on the same high school campus. But as their a mother, my first instinct was to go touch them. And I did. It was as necessary as breathing. They were fine and I knew it, but the compulsion was too strong to ignore. The other two kids were not close enough to touch, but I called them within a few minutes. This is what we do as mothers. We protect, we touch, we scrutinize, we gather our children during a disaster. I remember looking into their eyes and listening to their voices with a very clear thought resounding in my head. "You have no idea how this morning changed your world." I grieved for them; I grieved for all of us. Our universe tilted on that day. So I write this blog with two thoughts in mind. Every day unfolds with miracles and magic. Be aware of that. Take nothing for granted. My second thought is the sadness I still feel....deep in my heart....for the mothers who lost their worlds that day. I understand that it's also the fathers, wives, children, brother, sisters and many many more who still suffer. But today, because I still remember my great need to see, touch and listen to.....I cry for the mothers.

Transposed.......

This morning I was making my way through this fine city when I happened to glance at the Sign/Board thing at the bank. It said 57*.......my first thought was.....they have transposed the numbers. It surely can't be that cool......gotta be 75*. Now why would I think this? Other than the obvious fact that it hasn't been that cool in 459 years. Because I think they make that transpose/wrong number mistake ALL THE TIME. I'm really sure that they get the numbers to my Account Balance off.....do they do that to you? I mean, I see my balance start with a 1.....surely that should start with another number....like maybe a 9? I'll even take an 8. So naturally, I assumed they had made another error this morning. It really was 75* and not 57*. Back to the sad state of my balance. They are always pretty adament about the fact that they are right and I'm wrong. Sigh..........and they are. Of course if I kept a really fine, up-to-date check register, I probably wouldn't be so surprised by these disappearing numbers.....but sadly, I don't. I want to....I really really do. I want to be that organized person that meticulously writes down every check and what it's for.....I want to proudly show my checkbook with no gaping holes. I'm not that girl. I'm more the keep it all in my head kinda person. My bank balance drifts along in my mind bouncing off the walls of the empty rooms......searching for some verification. I'm sure at times it hides underneath the fog that is usually somewhere up there......waiting to jump out at me and surprise me when it's not quite as TALL as I think it should be. My bank balance isn't my best friend. It sometimes drills holes in itself so it can drain out without me knowing it. I wonder if it's just mine that does that. I hope not. I don't want to think I have the only HATEFUL bank balance. AND the only bank that's always right while I'm always wrong. So if your bank transposes numbers like mine, cheer up. You have company. I feel your pain.

Today's Dilemma

I don't know about you...but the coat hangers in my closet have personalities. Those wire ones are nasty little buggers. They hang there so skinny and sharp. They put creases in my clothes. And then they wrap themselves around each other and sometimes refuse to come off the rack. They just become one tangled mess.....ON PURPOSE. Don't tell me you haven't experienced this. They are truly hard to get along with, kind of like the Grinch. I don't know if they're mad because they are skinny and hungry or if they're mad because all they do is hang around and are bored. But they aren't good friends. The plastic ones are easier to get along with....or at least mine are. They pretty much just stay the same day after day. They don't crease my clothes, nor do they coil around each other snickering because I can't get them off their wooden perch. But they are a little boring. They don't have much personality. At least they are easier to have around. I like them more. But my very favorites are the plump colorful ones. They are all different kinds of patterns. They love my clothes. They live to make my blouses and shirts and dresses drape just perfectly. They act like they are so happy to see me. They are very gentle souls. Just so merry and fun. So here's my dilemma......do I mingle the snarly wire ones with the jolly plump ones....hoping maybe there might be some positive influence happen? Or do I segregate them.....keeping my Happy Hangers safe? What a dilemma.

National Pastime..

It's time we have a chat.....it's something that needs to be addressed, confessed and well, acknowledged. Possibly you think our National Pastime is football. Nope. Baseball. Negative. It's SNACKING. Okay so now you're shaking your head trying to say I'm wrong. STOP IT!! You snack....you know you do. Yes, yes you do! America snacks. What's your poison? Mine is salty, savory,....popcorn, pretzels, chips, sinful. I'm not ashamed; I will not lie; I snack. Even more to the point I Saturday/Sunday' afternoon snack.......I wonder maybe if weekend snacks count less....after all you're not wasting your employer's time by snacking rather than working. So I think it stands to reason that you should be rewarded by fewer repercussions from snacking if you do it on Saturday or Sunday....unless of course you work those days.......then people, you're on your own. Don't count on fewer damages. The Snack Food industry in the good ole U S of A is huge. Gonna go out on a limb here and say it's bigger than the carrot, cabbage and celery industry combined. My mom always said that what you eat standing up has no calories...and she was a small woman. Maybe she was right...but here's the thing, I'm too lazy on the weekends to STAND UP to snack. Nope...I do my snacking on the couch, book in hand, chores ignored and happily munching and crunching and feeling no compulsion to move. Possibly a brief wisp of a thought slips through my mind of working on the Elliptical later....AS IF that thought would help these hips. I might think of starting a group meeting for Snackers......no, no, no....not to help quit...but to exchange favorite snacks. Much like a book club, we could all bring our snacks, STAND UP, and chat while we chew. Nice idea.......not only would the standing up process help, so would the use of calories moving our jaws while we chat. Indeed!! Who wants to join?

Wave Good-bye

Wave good-bye, stomp your feet, pitch a fit, scream and yell......all together now.....GO AWAY 105*+.......enough already. Here's my thing....105* in August is expected in Texas. We live through it...we swim, we sweat, we complain, we pay enormous cooling bills...but hey, it's August. All Righty Then...enough is enough. It's September...Mother Nature, are ya reading this blog? She's not listed as one of My Followers, but maybe she'll stumble across this and take pity on us. She's actually probably sitting on a mountain in Colorado.......enjoying a 55* day, reading a good book, on Facebook or tweeting away and totally unaware of the Hinges of H*&%#@LL that is Texas. But she should surely be aware that football season has started.....that signals.....coooooooooler weeeeeeeeeeather. School has started....she's not on my student list or we'd be learning how to say......Cool It Down Lady.....in Spanish....before my electricity bill becomes a debate between the Democrats and the Republicans because it has TOPPED the national debt. Seriously.

Dogs and Poop

Stay with me here.........I know when you live in the city in an apt., you have to attend to your dog's ..........droppings???? Now our country dogs live a different life style.....let 'em out......let 'em in. Don't be too grossed out...we have a big yard and a little dog...so we consider it free fertilizer. But, having been in the city with my daughter's dog Ellie for the better part of last week, I've learned the ABC'S of dogs in apartments. And I have to tell you.......guys and dolls.... you look a little silly standing there, leash in hand, watching your dog's hiney. No one on the planet loves dogs more than I do.....and I love it that my daughter lives in a really great dog friendly area....there are bloodhounds, bassets, labs and mixed breeds of all kinds in her complex. So I was able to observe many humans standing in the heat waiting for their dogs to do their 'bi'ness'. Hey, I WAS one of those humans. It is NOT ATTRACTIVE. Here's my advice......watch the planes, watch the birds, watch the cars, watch the pool guy....keep your eyes AWAY from your dog's rear end......and things that might come out of it. You can do it...you have peripheral vision.......God knew what He was doing when He gave it to you. USE IT!!! Do your duty....but please, o please, don't stare as if you're watching an Academy Award movie.....you're NOT!!

Harp Harp Harp

I understand that I have regaled you about DFW traffic before.....but I cannot stop myself..........HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT????? I'm being the Mom of the Year.....no Century.....helping my daughter while she's sick......now I love my kids more than you love yours...I'm sure of this.....OR I WOULDN'T BE HERE!! She needed a couple of things from the drugstore so off I go.......good thing it wasn't 5 o'clock or I would have refused.....anyway.....I went to two places......not many turns....but they were several miles apart. Probably 25 minutes of driving in all....I'm raising my right hand and swearing at this point that I said more curse words in that 25 minutes than I've said in the last month....and if you know me...well, THAT'S A LOT. I have three kids in the DFW area...... and a daughter and son-in law that live in Austin.....but we all know that Austin is God's protected revered country....Hook 'Em. Anyway....My daughter, son and his wife live in this DFW War Zone. I would think they all are intelligent folks......all degreed....one a OB/GYN. I am now living in a state of terror......they drive in this mess daily.....I want them all to change jobs......I'm sure that being a Lion Tamer or a Trapeze Artist would be much safer......so what if we've spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on their combined educations...who cares.....travel with the Circus.....scoop elephant poop....sell funnel cakes.....tell fortunes, whatever it takes. I'm thinking of going on ArmyTanks.com to see if I can find 3 of them......do you think there would be any tanks listed on Craigslist? What are my other options? I can think of none. Their commutes might take a little longer, but think of how they could roll their way down these nightmarish roads. I feel better already. I have a plan.

Bacon..........

My husband just told me I was going to OD on bacon. Raise your hand if you think that's true. I see NO hands going up.....possibly because no one is reading this blog..but okay fine. I think there are worse things to be 'hooked' on, obsessed with, can't get enough of.....in fact, I'm pretty sure there are. But to be totally fair there are probably much BETTER things to be hooked on, obsessed with, can't get enough of....things like lettuce leaves, carrot sticks, celery stalks (do you love my two word thingies?). The obvious question might be.....is it turkey bacon because that's not quite so bad for you. To this I give a RESOUNDING no......I don't want to insult pigs everywhere. I firmly believe my strips of bacon should NEVER have had feathers. Call me wrong...but it's my deep seated feeling. How much do you eat you might ask. My generic answer is probably WAY more than you do! How do you keep your girlish figure you might ask. My answer is ....clearly you need to see your eye doctor, clean your glasses, or have your cataracts removed. Possibly all of the above. So, if you find me on the side of the road in a bacon coma, please wipe the grease from around my mouth before you call 911. You know I'd do the same for you!!

Auto-Correct....

Today I feel the need to speak my piece on Auto-Correcting. I hate it. Don't correct me...it's insulting. Maybe I WANTED to misspell that word....Mr. Iphone..have you ever thought of that? Okay..case in point. I have a daughter...she's 26.....now...I realllllllllllllly hate it when Mothers say their daughters are their BEST FRIEND. I think that's unnatural. But that can be addressed on another day. Nonetheless...my daughter is old enough now to NOT be totally embarrassed by me.....nor hide when I walk in the room....and we do text a LOT. So today.....she sent me a text and helllllooo Auto-Correct....for a moment I thought she was confessing to me that she was making her living walking the streets of Dallas....perhaps you get my drift. It was shocking.....I mean my heart did skip a beat. She has a college degree...I was under the assumption she had a responsible job. Was she coming clean with the fact that she was really Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman? Okay, Okay...maybe for just a mili-second my thoughts did drift to Richard Gere and maybe the shock wasn't quite so bad. But back to Auto-Correct....do you like it? I know there are websites about funny Auto-Corrects......I haven't read them....I have my own. I teach.....I spell...I can't add 2+2....but I CAN....write. Yes, yes, yes...I know I can turn Auto-Correct off...but then what would I gripe about? I mean really..........................

Match Day?

Did you see me today? Did you think my shoes matched my dress? Why do I worry about these things on such an absurd level? I really spent much of the day today seeing if I could find the exact color of pink in my dress that I thought matched my shoes. Why do these things happen? I had a choice this morning....a multi-colored dress....and I could have worn these gold glittered shoes(much like Dorothy's only not red) or these reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy cute pinkish shoes with a big bow on each one. I thought about it for 35 seconds this morning and then chose the pink ones. I second guessed myself all day. Now a fashion maven I'm not......(QUIT NODDING YOUR HEAD IN AGREEMENT), but I usually do try to look decent and at times even manage NOT to wear my shirt inside out. Do you think the other 400 people I was with at school today wondered why I chose the cute pink shoes over the glittery gold ones? I probably spent about 1/2 my time looking down at my dress seeing if I could see that color. This is not normal. Refer back to my blog on Full Length Mirrors....as noted that day... I HAVE ONE. I looked in it this morning...I chose the pink shoes. I walked out the door....then began to worry. I didn't dare ask anyone if my shoes matched my dress because I was afraid of that raised eyebrow look you sometimes get. You know the one....eyebrow ever so slightly raised...lips ever so slightly pursed..then a flat out lie....."Bless your heart, you look fine." I think maybe I should have worried about Global Warming or the rising cost of gasoline or the likelihood of a meteor falling on my house. I'm pretty sure the exact match of the pinks has no significant bearing on life as we know it today. O well...next time I wear this dress......it's the gold glitter for sure. Then that day I can turn my thoughts to something more profound, more conscious raising....yes! For sure that day I will NOT worry about pink!

Bizarre? Perhaps............

Have you ever thought about the fact that dogs from other countries don't understand English? It's bizarre don't you think? A French poodle living in Chicago understands English; but an English bulldog living in Paris understands French. I find that fascinating. I wonder how you say Sit or Stay to an Australian Shepard who lives in Tokyo. Or tell a German Shepard who lives in Rio to roll over if you don't know Portuguese? How cool would it be to have a bilingual dog? Here's my Russian Wolfhound and he understands Shake in 6 different languages. But that poor Chinese Pug over there only understands Shake in 3 languages. He's not so talented I guess. Here's a thought......do Mexican Chihuahua's speak Castilian Spanish? I would think not...unless they are well traveled. I find this entire subject extraordinary.....but probably no more so than you find me crazy. Perhaps I should stop now......yes, I think I will.

Mirror Mirror.......

I have a love hate relationship with ALL mirrors......do you? I mean, sometimes I walk by a mirror, glance in it and think...who is that woman? It is indeed surprising most of the time. I have a full length mirror in our master bath. FULL LENGTH.......horrifying, brutally horrifying. It was great 30 years ago.....yes I know, maybe I should have taken it down before the two kids, and the waning muscle tone and the well....I'll not go further. It is built into the wall......you can walk right up to it, and it is lovely for putting on makeup....checking teeth for pepper....and okay,okay......scrutinizing for wayward chin hairs. It is my friend when I'm extra cute and look somewhat stylish....these times come about once every 27 months. It can be my worst enemy when I stand before it and oooooooooooooooo nooooooooooooooooo.....maybe that extra helping of whatever should NEVER have happened.....these times come about every 27 seconds. But here's the thing......mirrors are to be used. Ya gotta......you just gotta. After you dress...it may bring tears to your eyes.... but make yourself do a full length survey....every day.....yes indeed...front, side and take a deep breath, back. Do it.....it surely will hurt worse than a root canal with no novocaine, but you owe it to yourself and the reputation of your family. Lots of things can go on when you don't check your image......let me tell you, they've happened to me a time or two. So again....front, side and back. As time goes on, it will become less painful, maybe more like a log jammed in your eye. Raise your right and and repeat after me....I WILL NOT leave my house without a complete mirror check. Just don't!!!

To Be Read.............

I have a love/hate relationship with my TBR pile of books. Yeah, I know, confusing to say the least. On the one hand I love having a huge To Be Read stack of novels...both heaped beside my bed as well as filling up my Kindle.....it's comforting to know that at no time will I be alone or bored. My book friends are quietly waiting for me to stop by and spend minutes, hours or days with them. They will introduce themselves and their families and homes and soon I will be a welcome part of their world as they will be of mine. On the other hand...sometimes I find myself not thoroughly enjoying a really good book I'm reading because I know I have so many more books waiting on me. Are the characters in my TBR pile getting antsy for me to start? Are they reshuffling the story by tapping feet, raising eyebrows, chatting about my slowness? I sometimes rush through a book because I know that I have so many fun friends tapping their impatient feet. Curious and Curiouser. Am I alone in this feeling? It's a dichotomy of emotion. But one I welcome. Gotta go....my current book is softly calling my name.

Sign Me Up!!

Here's a question to ponder.....I just saw an ad on TV.......Faithful Women Wanted....no, not a Christian ad....it was a dating ad. Really? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say....just guessing........that there are few men who would respond to an ad.....UNfaithful Women Wanted. Now, clearly I'm not a man.....and there is a reason for that....but okay,fine. Do you think there are men out there who want women who would lie, cheat and steal? O Yeah....hook me up with a women who will clean out my bank account, steal my identity and go out with my best friend, brother and second cousin once removed! I want that kind of woman. Who do I call? Where do I sign up? Show me her profile. Here's my credit card info. Life just gets more bizarre by the minute.

Invisible Words

Sometimes I contemplate or ponder on all the words left unspoken. Weird I know, but think about it.....aren't there words you sometimes wished you'd said. Maybe to a friend in need, maybe to a family member, maybe to a coworker, maybe to a waiter, a store clerk, a stranger on the street. I think the air is full of words left unsaid. The atmosphere probably is clogged with them. I can just imagine all the letters, words and punctuation marks floating around going nowhere. The pleases, thank you's, complements, criticisms, jokes, fun words, hurtful words, advice.......millions of syllables drifting along waiting to be heard. I imagine that words have colors. Getting weirder huh. But the criticisms are probably black. The hurtful words slate grey....the thank you's are probably a light yellow. The advice words are regal purple. The list goes on and on. Some words are much better left unsaid......we all know that once words leave our mouths.....we can't suck them back in....no matter how badly we want to. Those are the words that are much better left invisible, unheard, not uttered. Sometimes we're in situations where we don't know exactly what to say...wouldn't it be nice to grab an appropriate phrase out of the air and say it? Most probably someone at some time has said the words you need and would love to have on the tip of your tongue....words of encouragement, comfort, wisdom. On other occasions if words are left unsaid in a home, between friends, among a community, then the air can be full and tense and thick. 'You can cut it with a knife' type air. That air can be hard to breath......but better than air filled with black words in bold letters and exclamation points hurling around....words with cutting edges that are stabbing and pricking and cutting and slicing. So.....in all my word weirdness, with all my imaginary words hanging by invisible threads I want to say be very careful about your words. Use them wisely. Build people up.....not down. I, for one, am glad that some of the words I COULD have said I didn't....they remain invisible. But on the other hand, am sorry that sometimes I allowed my oooooooooooooooooo so cutting tongue to hurt or tear down. Let's make today an Invisible Word Day...if your words are not light and uplifting and happy, keep them to yourself. I promise you'll be glad you did!

Work, Yes Please..............

Today is the perfect example of why I don't retire......sorry kids, not yet. I have the years....Lord knows I have the age. What I don't have is the little niggle that tells me I should, or better yet, can. Here's part of the deal......I would be WORTHLESS. All day today I have occupied my end of the couch, with my glass of tea near by, my dog lying next to me, my cat lying on the back of the couch, my computer on the side table, my cell phone beside it.....do you GET THE PICTURE? Do I need to go to town....why, yes I do!! The cupboards at the Brannan Farm are bare. Do I need to do some laundry.....hmmmmm...yep, pretty sure that the dirty clothes hamper is working at near capacity level. Do I need to do yard work.....NOPE.....I will concede that since everything we have is burned to a crisp and/or eaten by the 3 million grasshoppers that call the Brannan Farm home. Back to my guilt trip.....nothing accomplished is not a good fit for me. At least not yet. I don't know how to do nothing. I fear that day after day, I would sit, read, eat, ......repeat as needed. I would eat, shall we say, a tad more than I should, I would probably not get dressed for days. I would blog, tweet, FB, text and basically be a slug...no offense to the bloggers, tweeters, Facebookers and texters...or the slugs for that matter....all are noble pastimes. So, when you see me and ask me.....You ready for school to start? I'm gonna say yes.....because I am.....because it's what's best for me and I hope for the 135 kids that,this year,will walk through the door of Rm 11 on The Hill. Kudos to you guys who can retire and still be productive. It's just not me yet......

Hazard Ahead...............

It's a fact.....napping is hazardous for your health. Well......I'll be more specific....for your weight which in turn for your health. Do you follow me here? It is not possible to take a nap without waking up hungry...going to the pantry and yep picking up either sweets or carbs. For me it's carbs. O Yeah...and lest we forget....a real Classic Coke. If I nap and do NOT follow through with all of the above, I'm suicidal or homicidal, which....going out on a limb here and saying....might also be somewhat hazardous for my OR your health. I know, I know....the solution seems simple...no nap. There you have it! Maybe not exactly.......tiredness leads to irritability, snappishness and an over all feeling of disgruntleness ( I know that's not a word, deal with it!). People around you suffer, therefore it is your moral obligation to take a nap when the needs arises and we've come full circle...back to weight gain. Hazard Ahead! So this is the way I see it. I can either be a skinny, hard to deal with, out of sorts witch(change the first letter if you feel the need), or a slightly rotund, rested, carb eating, Classic Coke guzzling Lady of Leisure. You choose!

Is This Normal?

The Dishnet guy is coming out today. As usual, they say he will be here this morning between 8 and 12. So I sit and wait. Is this normal? I mean I SIT AND WAIT. I do not get up from the couch. I do not start laundry, pick up, straighten up or accomplish anything but sitting and waiting. Why do I do this? It's like I'm afraid if I move around he will drive past my house and never return. I think it's a phobia of some sort that is probably written up in some obscure psychological book. Maybe I should Google. Hmmmmmm.....fear of standing when expecting a repairman. Or better yet, maybe I could be written up in that psychological journal. Women sits on couch for hours due to fear of missing repairman......Yes!! An entire article could be written on me and that would be my 15 minutes of fame. I wonder if I really should want to be famous for that? Back to my question. You need to answer me. Here's chapter two of this deal....he's supposed to call first...due to the fact that we're not that easy to find.....country life.....no mailbox...etc. Maybe this contributes to my fear of getting off the couch. I will miss his call. Never mind that we have two cordless phones. And I have hands that can carry one with me should I venture 3 feet away from the phone that is lying on the couch next to me. I have done this before. It is not a new phobia. I ask again.....IS THIS NORMAL?

Cleavage......

I woke up this morning thinking about cleavage....I do not know why this has happened. I mean, really? I quit worrying about that sort of thing more years ago than I can count. Then I thought....maybe I SHOULD be worried about it....do you think I should? Do you worry about it? What else do I need to be worried about I wonder. Maybe cleavage is a code word that should lead me down the Worry Path to something else. I wonder how you tap out cleavage in Morse Code, or what it looks like in Braille. If there is anybody out there that knows, please send me a message. I don't want to miss this worry opportunity. Tap tap...dot dot. I'm sure I need to know these things. I'm sorry if I have offended your sensibilities, but this is too bizarre not to pass along. Maybe I should rearrange the letters of CLEAVAGE to make another word and that's my answer. Or possibly I need to check my letters on my WWF games and see if I can make a Triple Word out of it with V or G being on a Triple Letter. You see, now I'm obsessing about cleavage. This is not normal. This is so abnormal I'm wondering whether or not to even publish this blog. What little credibility I have enjoyed is now lost. But how can I get help if I remain silent? I know you're sorry you read this. Forgive me; it won't happen again.

Crow Alert....Crow Alert.....

Hide Ya Kids.....Hide Ya Wives and DEFINITELY Hide Ya Husbands........This is an EMERGENCY Alert for the state of Virginia. There seems to have been a significant migration of Crows from the Great State of Texas to Virginia. It is reported that in Virginia the Texas Crows joined forces with the Virginia Crows. The specific city in Virginia will not be made public as to avoid panic in the streets. This migration will cause a tremendous change in the atmosphere, water pressure as well as a decrease of adult beverages on store shelves. It is also advised that ear plugs be used by the citizenry when not in sound proof rooms. Hospitals should be on alert for broken toes and scrapped arms. If you have a SAFE room in your house, USE IT at this time. This emergency alert should remain in effect until at least Wednesday. At that point they are EXPECTED to leave the state. As to their ability TO BE ABLE to leave that day....well, we'll just have to wait and see. There may or may not be massive piles of chin hairs on city streets. There most assuredly will be synchronized swimming that we can only hope will NOT be captured by any news team and aired on television. If one has a small child and lives in Virginia, it is advised that possibly you should AT ALL TIMES have your child's ears covered as well as plugged;teen curfews should be strictly enfored. One can never be too careful. If you have the means and time to evacuate, it is advised that you take action NOW. If by chance you hear The Eyes of Texas being sung by a choir of Crows...then you must take heed. Look neither to the right nor left. Walk quickly with your head down. You are in a Crow Overload area at that point. Be advised that Wills and Legal Powers of Attorney should be updated. Life and Health insurance should be in place. While not the end of the world, it is a significant advisory....stay safe Virginia....and the world wishes you Godspeed.

A Disturbing Subject..................

This morning I feel the need to address something that is disturbing.....you might want to look away. Chin hairs......there...I've said it. Not aloud you understand because I'm not that brave yet. If my money grew in the bank like these alarming white hairs do on my chin, then I'd be taking us all on a great Vacay. How do these things sprout overnight with such abundance, or for that matter, in a much shorter time than that? It is a truly perplexing situation, and one that I feel is shared by many women. Chin hairs on a man...they wear them proudly. First thing in the summer that teenage boys do is let their 3 1/2 chin hairs grow out. Do they want more? I will give mine away FREE of charge. Maybe I could do a garage sale featuring chin hairs....much like free puppies or kitties. I swear I look in the mirror, look away, and back and there are 57 more that have grown in a millisecond. Raise your hands ladies if you feel my pain. Yes, we can get waxed, threaded, sugared or whatever to get rid of these distressing things. We can pull and pluck. We can cut and yes, even shave. But they are back before we can turn around and re-look in the mirror. If I had WANTED chin hair, I would have been a man. I hope I haven't ruined your Saturday. But I warned you to look away while you had the chance.

Travelogue Part Trois....or Tres

This is my last installment of my road trip and I'm sure you're forever grateful. But I just couldn't leave this segment out as it is truly the best part. I managed to forget the Hearse and turn on the home stretch highway that I live on......The Jimmy Choo's a fond memory and the Grim Reaper had left me alone......I'm hammered down (don'tcha love that CB talk?). Anyway....I have Fleetwood Mac tunes blaring.....cruise set on just a taddddddddddddddd over 70...life is good! Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech.......Slow down for Workers. Are you kidding me? Really?? Again???.....third summer in a row they are trying to pave the road.....and it hold. Up ahead is a guy in an orange vest with a big ole STOP SIGN. D*mmit!!!! I'm 4 miles from the house. But being the law abiding citizen that I am........and have always been ...I stop....foreverrrrrrrrrrrrr. Before long I begin to feel sorry for this guy. It is nearly noon.....it is hot....he's standing on the pavement....has been for hours and will be for hours. No Ipod....no Kindle.....nothing for entertainment but counting the heat waves shimmering up from the road. I'm watching him...he's watching me.....I'm feeling better cause clearly I have the best situation. Then he bends over.....and low and behold...he turns over a foil wrapped burrito he's heating on the pavement. What a guy! He's cooking his lunch! He's a genius this guy! Don't you love it? I thought man.....I'd really like to have some of that burrito. I bet it's gonna be good. Now I'm wondering if maybe he has the upper hand. Dude....share your food. He just watched me and gave a wave as I drove off. What a guy!

Road Trip...Part Deux....or Dos....

Yesterday I began my travelogue of my 150 mile road trip. I know that it's really kind of pitiful. I mean a TRUE road trip has to be more miles than that...but it is what it is. And, by the way, I'm still worrying about that poor lady and her shoe situation. I wish she'd read my blog and let me know she maxed out her husband's credit card replacing all those shoes. Anyway......after the shoe episode,I made my way on down the road probably about 8-9 more miles. It was then I saw a hearse headed toward me before turning onto a county road. OOOOOOOOOOOOOO..I forgot the shoes and became concerned about the poor family who must have had a death. I wondered who it might be. The hearse was dark blue and very shiny as they tend to be. I mean really waxed and polished. Very very nice. I came by the road on which it turned (how do you like that for very proper grammar?) and as I did, I noticed that it wasn't turning. In fact, it was merely turning around and following ME!!!!! HUH? O no!! Did these people know something I didn't? Was it like a sign from God? Had they gotten a Divine message to go out on Texas SH 6 and follow the white Avalon? I mean, really, do people merely go riding around in a HEARSE just for the fun of it? I think they probably have a purpose for being out and about; I mean those things look like gas guzzlers to me. We were several miles from any town; I don't think they were trying to dry off a fresh car wash trip. I gotta tell ya...I immediately punched Button 1 on my FM 1 and began to listen and sing to Christian music. Wouldn't you? I wanted my preparations to begin just in case. I wanted to slow down to about 20 and be sure I made it home safely. I thought maybe I should just stop and walk. Then I thought maybe the shoes were somehow connected to the Funeral Home and they were out trying to find them. I wouldn't let myself get past that thought as to why a mortician might be looking for those shoes. Some things one just has to put out of one's mind. Anyway....I assumed the position of a careful driver.....hands at 10 and 2.....cruise set on EXACTLY 70......eyes on road....no texting and driving(not that I would EVER consider that)..and I made my way home. If there was a divine message it must not have been for me. At some point the hearse turned off and I kept on safely and steadily. Whew...another bullet dodged.....is that poor wording? Part Three tomorrow.....and it involves food!!

Road Trip.....

I love a good road trip....even if it's by myself. I can plug in Pandora on my Iphone or set the radio to a favorite station, and just sing myself along the road. I had a fun road trip today. It was only about 150 miles, and a trip I've done countless times. Some of these trips are totally uneventful....some not so much, like the time I had TWO blowouts on the same trip. But today's was just entertaining. Three totally random things happened. Here's the first......I'm driving along Texas SH 6 minding my own business when I see some 'things' in the road ahead. Now my husband will tell you that the fact I saw anything over 10 feet in front of the car is a miracle in itself. Yeah.....right! Anyway, I was being my usual observant self and saw this cluster of fairly small objects. I slowed down to see what they were and hoping against hope they weren't little dead animals. That would have brought a fit of hysteria on...but they weren't. They were shoes. Yep...about 12 shoes. Now I know you're questioning how I knew there were 12.....well, I stopped and turned around and counted. They were strewn all over the highway. Lest you might think I was doing a little 'school' shopping while I was stopping, you would be wrong. Although there WAS one pretty cute pump. It was kinda peachy colored with a stacked heel. Here's the thing.....none of them had a match. There were literally twelve different shoes. So, I ask myself.....how do these things happen? How do 12 mismatched shoes find themselves scattered down the highway? Wouldn't you think that if they fell out of a trailer, maybe there would have been at least ONE pair? I can just visualize the poor woman who has stopped for the night...possibly at her new house or new apartment, or on her own road trip and suddenly realizes that she has 12 shoes.....no matches...just 12 shoes. So in my mind I begin to mull this over.....I'm pretty sure she might have done a little panicking...especially if there were some Jimmy Choo's or some Christian Louboutin's in the bunch. Actually now I'm panicking for her. I saw no red soles so maybe we're safe on the Louboutin's....but the Choo's...I can't say. I'm thinking maybe she's backtracking from Lubbock or Amarillo...but maybe, just maybe, she's at a mall.....doing her shoe thing. Good luck and Happy shopping!!

Query Query.......

I love my Iphone....I really do. I love most everything about it. I have lots of Apps I use daily. I have my favorite news apps, I use Google maps, I love to play Words With Friends and Hanging With Friends. I search the internet on it. I like it's purple case. I like that I can take pics of things and store them. I read on my Kindle app while waiting for things. I look up words in the Dictionary. I get on Facebook and Twitter. I so love ICloud, but have no clue what it does. Are you waiting for my Query? I thought you were. I'm a straight up kind of girl.....I like my Iphone to be vertical. Can someone please tell me why the screen sometimes does the sideways thing? Now, before you think I'm a complete idiot, I do know that when I turn it a certain way....oops..there goes the screen. But sometimes I swear it does it when I lay it down. I hate that...then the twisting and turning begins. It's like one of those hand held games with the little silver balls that you're trying to get to follow a path. This frustrates me to no end. Once it starts that gyrating,I swear it just keeps on because somehow...maybe Icloud.....knows it exasperates me. Many times it goes on so long I'm dizzy.......notice I said dizzy.....not diTzy. I'm sure my bobbing head makes me look like an idiot when I'm trying to follow the back and forth of the screen. People probably think I'm some poor old woman who has escaped from the Home and is trying to find her way back. Do you think that's what I look like? DON'T answer!! I wonder if I can lock the screen where it won't do that? You may answer that. That's my QUERY!

Ready, Set, Read!!

I have been on somewhat of a reading frenzy. That's both Good News and Bad News. Reading frenzies are really good for the soul. They sooth and relax; they allow you to be your new best friend, or to live in the most magnificent places. Losing yourself in a book is the best form of Prozac. A really good book has glorious streams and pairings of words that make you say....wow. Words by themselves are just that...words. But when put together in an artful form, they become much much more. They become parts of you. They create a pause in your life. Your breath may hold for just a minute as you reread the same sentence over and over. You then begin to wonder just what wonderful mind put them together. You might ponder how many times the author played with that sentence to get it just right. I think sometimes authors are just so adept at making word necklaces that they string them in just the right manner the very first time the sentence is written. I would imagine though, there are other times when it takes many many edits to get them perfect. But when they are done, there has got to be such a wonderful sense of accomplishment. I love reading frenzies. But I did say Bad News didn't I. There are maybe one or two downsides to these frenzies....or at least in my world. Very little else gets done. I become sad at the end of a particularly wonderful book. I may or may not put on a pound or two because of extreme sitting and snacking. So here's the thing. If you see me and my jeans may be a touch too tight....or you call to drop by and I put you off for a day.....Diagnosis.....READING FRENZY.

Pantries, Cabinets and Other Obnoxious Things.....

Today I have cleaned out my pantry and some of my kitchen cabinets. IF YOU ONLY KNEW......:))) I would really love to go into great detail, but you might get some tiny little bitty inkling about just how neglected they had been. You would not come see me. You would not let your children be in my classroom. You would change lanes when you saw me driving down the street. I would probably be banned from every public building in the Great State of Texas...possibly shipped off to some Colony for the Neglectful People. My house might even be designated as the Colony for the Neglectful People. And then of course now I have the dilemma of 6 lids to a set of cookware and only 2 pans. Just what in the heck has happened to the other 4 pots? Did I take them somewhere and only bring back the lids? That opens up a different entire discussion about Neglect. I can understand losing those throw away plastic Gladware things. But pots and pans? They do have some substance. I would think I'd know I was throwing them away and stop myself. Do you think I would? Well, as in any situation..there is Good News and Bad News.......Good News is I now have a cleaner kitchen. Bad News is this will only happen again, and at that point I may be down to 6 lids and no pots.

I Have Just Seen.........

all the orange cones I need to see in a lifetime....no 25 lifetimes. There is NOT A ROAD in Dallas County that doesn't have 5 million of them. I guess maybe it's the way to make you think fall is on it's way. It certainly isn't a way to divert traffic safely, control traffic in any form or fashion, or build your self esteem. OK, OK, I'm not a fan of more than two cars on the road at any given time...and one being ME. But when 6 lanes become 2 lanes then 1/3 of a lane, well, frankly My Dear.............Navie the Navigator was speaking to me but she didn't understand that every road was under construction nor the zigs and zags of the 436,987 cars in MY lane that were going 85 miles an hour. Hats off to you people that do this every day.....you are nuts. I'm mean certifiable. I'm sorry, you just are. I love great food and good restaurants; I love nice cool malls with plenty of fun stores; I do not love any of the former enough to live with all those cones. Orange is not my color.....on my shirt or in my traffic lane.

Yep.........

It's a fact....summertime summertime is here. The first wonderfully warm days have turned into 'fry that egg on the sidewalk' days here in Texas. My thoughts immediately go to not only my water bill, but also my electricity bill. I have successfully killed the memory of those from last summer. It keeps me from insanity. I dread the mail this time of year. Sometimes those particular bills are so big the envelopes won't fit into my P.O. Box. I bring them home and let them sit on the bar for awhile. I wonder what the interest rate at the bank is these days....and if they make water and electricity loans. I don't know why I'm surprised every summer when it gets hot. It's not like I've just moved from Alaska to Texas....been in Texas all my life and I'm pretty sure every summer has been hot. But we all walk around and say things like...can you believe how hot it is? Really? It's July;it's Texas;it's hot. About this time cell phone pics of car temperature gauges start showing up on FB. And we all then say...wow. Again....really? It's Texas;it's July;it's hot. I'm calling the bank....just in case.

I Need To Find.......

I need to find an official document; it is somewhere in this house. It is not where it should be. I'm pretty sure it is hiding from me. Do these things happen to you? I think maybe wherever it is, it is comfortable and doesn't want to be drug out and disturbed. Thus is has shrunk itself to the size of the head of a pin. We have a very very official fire-proof safe in this house. It could withstand a nuclear attack. It is full of worthless stuff that doesn't need to be protected. Not an official document one in it. Why is that? So I'm mentally counting the drawers in this house that this document could be in and I can't seem to count that high. I have a degree in English and Spanish...that makes me totally incoherent when it comes to numbers. Back to my inability to be organized......I may need to hire 15 people to come help me with this hunt. Needle in a haystack syndrome has set in......I want to call the mobile shredder truck to come sit in my driveway as I make my way through all the drawers. I don't care what it costs. I'll gladly pay to shred all these receipts from 1979 I'm finding. I may need two trucks. It is out of control. I have found 4,623 keys. I have no clue what any of them are supposed to unlock. Possibly a house I rented 35 years ago? Maybe a car I traded in when I was 23? Do you think an official document can morph into a key or a receipt from 1979? I think possibly they can, or have the ability to be invisible when they want to be. The good news is that I now realize I need to join Unorganized Anonymous....the bad news is I need to find an official document.

Hello? Hello?

I washed my husband's cell phone two weeks ago. It was washed, spinned, rinsed and spinned again. Yep...I did a NUMBER on it....get it? Well, anyway, I can't convince him to go buy another one. I am really trying not to read anything into this.....but I must admit that random thoughts are popping into my head. Does he not want to talk to me when he's not at home? Can he really function in this day and age without one? It really makes me wonder if I've truly married a cave man. I mean he is somewhat of a throwback to the days of yore..but I'm saying even the Rifleman, the Lone Ranger and Tonto would have had a cell phone if had been possible. I can just see the Rifleman twirling his rifle in one hand and dialing with the other...can't you? And I'm sure Tonto's password on his Iphone would have been Kimosabe. True, the Lone Ranger might have had to remove his mask to text, and that would have been troublesome but still. So that brings me back to maybe my husband of many many years, just prefers to remain 'out of touch'. Yes, I could go to AT&T and buy one for him, but there are just somethings a man's gotta do on his own. So far now....it's out of sight, out of hearing, messaging or speaking. Hello? Hello?

Timorous Tuesday

I would hate to be Tuesday...wouldn't you? I mean Tuesday......absolutely nothing to say about it. Monday is hated.....Wednesday is Officially Hump Day(at least it is if you're from the South).....Thursday is a 'we are so close to the weekend' day....Friday is an ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh day.....no need to explain Saturday nor Sunday. But what do you say about Tuesday? Hmmmmmmm??? I'm listening? You're not saying anything are you? Tuesday is just that day that separates Hated Day from Hump Day. Tuesday sits on the calendar and probably wishes for someone sometime to give it credit. I'm pretty sure Tuesday is jealous of the rest of the days. I mean, even if Monday is hated, at least it is noticed. Tuesday is that brown chair that sits in the corner and nobody even sees it. Or it's the grey building on a side street that people pass by and forget its there. Probably Tuesday has some sort or complex or personality disorder because it is so overlooked. We still have a chance today to say,'Thank You Tuesday! Thank you for being a day of my week that just sits there and takes whatever I throw at you.' Ok.....I feel better...I've given Timorous Tuesday it's 15 minutes of fame.

Can You Imagine......

Winning the Lottery, walking on the moon, reading minds, painting a masterpiece, jumping ropes for 36 hours straight, holding your breath for a day, inventing the cure for cancer, walking up the winding steps of a lighthouse, going a week without your cell phone, having a photographic memory, meeting the Wizard of Oz, being 10 feet tall, disappearing at will, cooling your jets, speaking 15 languages, mowing your yard with manicure scissors, reading a book back to front, being Forrest Gump, reliving a huge mistake, always having to drive backing up, being God, going hungry for months, jumping on a pogo stick for miles.......you can't? Why not?

Some Days Ya Just Gotta Have........

A Co-Cola. A real, honest to goodness straight from an aluminum can Coca-Cola....no diet, no Zero....the real McCoy. Not in a bottle.....not over ice....straight from a cold can. The opening pop and fizz of that can makes every calorie worth it. You know you're in for a carbonation moment. Then that first swallow.....wow....it cools your mouth, your throat, and all the way down you feel that cold tasty swallow. I love cold tea, cold water, cold lemonade. But some days, in this hot west Texas heat......nothing will do but a red and white can. Not particularly good for your girlish figure, not great for your blood sugar levels, but oooooooooo so darn good for your Outlook on Life. But here's the thing.....you can't let it sit.....nope, just down that thing. Luke-warm, it loses it's magic. In my mind's eye, I can see that cowboy on that horse with sweat running down his face and his hat low on his brow. His head is tilted back and he's draining the can. His day just got better. Yep.....some days ya just gotta have...................

Expectations......

What are your expectations in life? I think expectations are gifts, not rights. We expect to be happy. We expect to be healthy. We expect the car will start, the refrigerator light will come on when we open the door. Expectations change with age. Teenagers expect to be bored in school, hang out with friends and reach 21 when life will really change for the better. Young couples expect to buy a home, raise a family and attend soccer, basketball, football and dance classes for the next 18+ years. Middle age arrives with it's own expectations.....kids out of the nest, more free time, money in the bank, retirement on the distant horizon. Old age expectations are still foreign to me....:))). But I do expect to arrive there at some point. Here's the thing about expectations. You have to work for them. They do not miraculously appear in your life. What I know not to expect......dishes washing themselves, lottery to be won, jobs to be easy, money to flow freely, animal hair to dance itself to the trash, socks to match in the laundry, life to be problem free. Expectations to fall from the sky without hard work and determination, just isn't happening. What are your expectations today? I'd love to know.

Just a little something..,

I can remember growing up my mom saying after every meal.. I need just a little something sweet. This has stayed with me all my life. Just a little something.... We all need just a little something to make our day complete. Just a little love, acceptance, respect, fulfillment, completeness. I hope you've had your Just a Little Something today.

Uh Oh

The fact that I"m still drinking coffee at nearly 11 o'clock in the morning doesn't bode well for a productive day. The fact that I"m drinking my husband's coffee rather than mine...really makes it strange. We don't agree on coffee....he likes perked...I like dripped.....he likes his somewhat weaker than mine. But I was simply too lazy this morning to make my own....so I'm stealing his. He drinks Community Brand coffee....I drink whatever I can get my hands on. So here sits my wonderful University of Texas Tervis Tumbler coffee mug filled with a little too weak coffee and I'm perfectly happy to sip it instead of taking the 3 minutes to make my own. It is rather amusing that he has NO clue I'm drinking his coffee and he seems somewhat perplexed that his freshly perked coffee is vanishing so quickly......:)) The couch will clearly be my best friend today. And happily so!!

Patriotism and Snacking.....

There are a lot of Great American Pastimes.....Baseball....Monday Night Football...movie/tv watching..the list goes on and on. But the one I'm most fond of is Snacking....now there's a great AMERICAN pastime anybody can do well. So on this Patriotic Holiday....July 4th.....Independence Day.....Happy Birthday USA, I feel it is my duty as an American to SNACK......my PATRIOTIC duty. I'm going to snack on all American food. Some of these will include chips and dips, popcorn, cookies, ice cream and soda. And in case you're wondering, there will also be non-snacks such as hamburgers, tuna fish and deviled eggs. I am going to do my duty to my country all day long. It's a sacrifice; it's not good for my cholesterol, tryglycerides, fatty tissue or waistline. But it is my duty and I shall NOT turn my back on it. I shall snack with gusto and zeal, making the most of every bite. I will savor each taste. I will look forward to my next trip to the pantry and fridge. I will drink Coke, Sweet Tea and other beverages that true Americans relish. I ask you....doesn't doing OUR part in honor of this great nation make us feel proud? I, for one, say YES!!!

A Strange Phenonmena....

Clearly Glad Ware plastic containers are not sterile (as in the inability to have babies), but their tops are. How else to explain the phenomena going on in my container drawer? The tubs outnumber the tops....it's just a fact of life here on the Brannan Farm. I buy those handy little clear containers in all shapes and sizes to store things in the fridge. I buy SETS of those containers....I don't buy bottoms without tops. I don't throw the tops away....but here in my over-sized storage drawer there are way more dishes than lids. It's similar to the sock in dryer phenomena...but I can explain that.....socks sneak out of your dryer one by one and attach themselves to your car tires....then they go on road trips and fling themselves off whenever they feel the need to do so. I don't think Glad containers can manage that...thus the only logical thing is that the containers have the ability to reproduce, but not tops. This leads to a world of nightmarish visions about the containers...but I choose not to go there.

You've Done It Again.....

Congrats Elin Hildebrand....you've managed to sidetrack me from all my 'to do' list. I'm in the middle of reading her newest book....Summerland. As always in her novels, Nantucket is the setting. That alone draws me into her books. I want to BE in one of those wonderful old grey shingled homes that have stood the test of time and saltwater. I want to walk those beaches, watching the ocean push and pull. I want to sit with an ice cold beer and have butter drip down my chin as I savor lobster, crab and other seafood delights.....O...but back to the book. This plot begins with a tragic accident involving Island kids. Of course, it then begins to delve into the psyche of friends and parents. The cyclone that tragedy becomes among a close knit community draws the reader into every page. I am a true Hildebrand fan and have enjoyed every book she has written. Ditto on this one.

Mom Things........

If you're a mom you know that Mom Things primarily rule your life. When the kids are tiny....no sleep, bottles, strollers, diapers rule your days. As your kids get older, then it becomes play dates, soccer, ballet, gymnastics,etc. that fill up your calendars. Teenagers...well....that's a whole different story.....little worries become gigantic...after all..they are out of your sight WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY TOO MUCH. Sirens can bring you to a dead standstill and have your fingers frantically calling cells. GPA's control your dreams. Curfews are broken more than your dishes. Who is that boy at the door? Does that girl in front of my TV really have plaid hair? Wait......is that a tongue ring I see in that mouth that I spent 6K worth of braces on???? Then college......tuition costs.....are you FREAKIN' kidding me? You want how much to educate my child? Ok...now we're educated and oops.....we can't find a job. Resumes, references, connections fill our days. Mom Things......draining, taxing, worrisome, but in the end, way too precious to miss. What are the Mom Things in your life you wouldn't trade?

A Talent Lost................

The loss of Nora Ephron is a huge one. She was a weaver of words, a woman with a talent to see life as it was and then portray it in a way that made us all laugh, cry and want to sop up each and every thing she did. She was an accomplished woman of our times....and all times. She will be missed.

Main Ingredients?

What makes a great book for you? Do you need to want to be best friends with the characters? Do you really have to move to the location of the book because it beckons you? Do you love unexpected twists and turns? Snappy dialogue? Lots of detailed descriptions? There is no doubt that readers are as diverse as writers. I wonder what makes your book a page turner?

Book Just Read

Just finished reading Things Left Unspoken by Eva Marie Everson. She is a totally new author for me. I enjoyed the book very much. I would classify it as Women's Fiction. The setting was the South which is one of my favorite locations. Characters were well established. A few good twists and turns to the plot. Pick it up.....and let me know how you like it!

Women's Fiction.....

I do enjoy several genres of fiction......but I have to say that Women's Fiction is my very favorite.  Authors like Elin Hildebrand, Mary Alice Monroe, Dorthea Benton Frank, Anne River Siddons......there are many many more.  Women's Fiction is a hard classification.  Not quite Romance....more Just Life.  Women dealing with life's issues.  Good , really good , Women's Fiction delves into the psyche of women.  How problems are handled.  Family dynamics are torn, mended, torn, mended.  Friends are salvation.  Kids are raised.  Husbands are divorced or strengthened.  Jobs are lost. Careers are started.  Each element ebbs and flows and becomes part of the plot.  I usually make new friends through these books.  And turning the last page makes me sad. 

And the Miserable Are........................

I am watching 12 kids try to recover some credit in summer school.  They are less than enthused.  There is no scale that will measure HOW un-enthused they are.  Summertime Summertime.......carefree days of doing whatever you feel the need to do.  I promise you these kid do NOT feel the need to be here.....they are sitting in front of their computers.....staring blankly, twirling their hair, shoulders slumping, eyes closing....you get the picture.  Why o Why does the great State of Texas expect this of them?  My answer?  The great State of Texas expected this of them during the fall and spring semester.  Maybe that fact slipped their minds.  God love their little hearts......Summertime.....Summertime.

In Case Your Wondering.....But Probably Not.

Why the Peacock?  That, my friends, is Mr. P.   He showed up at our back door about 4 years ago demanding Cheetos and Nilla Vanillas.  He gets them.  At 5 o'clock...much like a glass of wine or a cocktail, Mr. P. appears at our door for his afternoon 'pick me up'.  He fans the cats, he fans the dog, he fans the swallows, doves and an occasional grasshopper.  Clearly he needs a Mrs. P.  But not as much as his Nilla Vanillas.  I know I"ve mentioned him before...but don't you think he needs to be acknowledged now and again?  After all.....he is MAGNIFICENT!!

Happiness Is........

Happiness is many many things to different people.  Happiness comes in small or large packages....brightly wrapped or very plain.  Right now....one of my happy things is my TBR pile.  Huge...just huge.  Kid in a candy store kind of happiness.  What's your happiness today?

Souls Refreshed

There's just something about sitting around a pool with a group of women that replenishes ailing souls and refreshes hearts.  Actually sitting around a table, a patio or a living room has the same effect.  Conversations ebb and flow.  Participants change.  Good friends catch up.  New friends are made.  Laughter rings out and sometimes tears are shed.  It's healing.  Time passes and obligations are forgotten for a few minutes or hours.  Women talk...really talk.  They share.  They listen.  They care.  Really good women do these things.  I hope that you have this opportunity as a woman to at least every few weeks or months join in a great gathering of women.  Maybe your soul doesn't need healing, but I guarantee your heart always needs refreshing.  We know how to do this. Women need women.  I thank God everyday for my friends.  They are some of my finest treasures.  Do you have treasures in your life?  I sincerely hope so.

Nora, Nora, Nora......You've Done It Again.

It's just something about a Nora Roberts book that makes you want to crawl in the pages and become friends with all the people.  Live where they live.  Eat what they eat.  Drink what they drink. I just finished with Book Two of her Inn Boonsboro Trilogy....The Last Boyfriend. I don't want to put a spoiler, but all the above elements are there.  I want to book at room and stay..well, for the rest of my life.  I just need to decide which room I want.  I want Avery's pizza.  I want a glass of wine on the front porch.  I want a glass of wine on the back porch.  I want the early morning coffee.  I want to meet Lizzie.  I want to introduce Lizzie to Spencer our resident spirit.  If you are one of those people who love to simply feel comfortable with a book, I would say this is the book for you....after you've read the first in the Trilogy of course....The Next Always.  Here's the only problem, Book Three is a ways out.  I am NOT a patient person.  Frankly, I wanna call Nora and ask just how many hours a day she's writing.....and then say...That's not enough! If your a Nora fan, you understand all of the above.  If you've not read her, get to it if you want to be whisked away where you forget that there just may be dirty dishes in the sink, there may be a load of laundry to do or possibly the yard could stand a little mowing.  It doesn't matter at bit.....you're at the Inn Boonsboro making new best friends!

The Day Before....

Yes...it's the day before Mother's Day.  Call your mother if you can...or go see her...that's even better.   She deserves to hear from you. Even if she has embarrassed, hurt, yelled at, goofed up, or ruined your day any other way.  She is Yo Mama......O yeah...and if you go see her, take her out to eat, or bring the food.  I mean really.  You gonna honor her on her day by making her COOK for you???  Puhleeeeeeeeeeeze.  Hasn't she done that enough?  Now, let's think gift?  Flowers always work.  Spa Days are great.  Amazon/B & N  Gift Cards are a great choice for Reader Mom.  Bad choices.....Cookware...there's that cooking thing again.......Make Overs....that is kinda insulting don'tcha think?  Vacuum Cleaners or ANYTHING else pertaining to her need to clean the house.  Think before you buy.  Free things?  Sure...kisses, hugs, smiles...top o' the list.  Just be that kid who loves that mom.  I promise she loves you back.

Jazzed Up Like a Crayola Box

Well...I did it.  Maybe a little too much.  I DON'T know how all those different colored texts got in there.   And furthermore I DON'T know how to change them.  So far now......I"m gonna let this blog look like a candy store.  Except Mr. P.  Don't you love him? He's my Nilla Vanilla Wafer loving peacock.  Or Cheetos...the fried kind....not the baked.  Seems peacocks don't worry about carbs or calories.  Look at that pretty boy...he has no girl at the time, so he's fanning the barn cats.  Bless him.  He comes to my back door every day at 5 and pecks.....woooohooo..time for his treat and my wine.  COULD life be any better???  I love my peacock.  I think he deserves two pictures. 

Trying ........yes, I am!!

Ok..I"m trying to class this joint up.  I mean, really,look at this pitiful place.  No pictures, no pretty fonts, no classy doo dahs.....I've tried.  I've put colors and hit save.  I added pictures and hit save.  I've changed fonts and hit save.  It's kinda like my money...it just won't save.  I want to be the pretty website with all sorts of buttons and gadgets and counters and comments and all those things that make me look like I know what I'm doing. It's a black and white world here in my Blog Land...but I"m persistent if nothing else.  So, I'm pouring a glass of White Zen....trying to ignore Nora and her Innsboro Bed and Breakfast and hitting save.  Wish me luck and hopefully next time you visit it will be a technocolor world. SAVE!!

We are Books........

I'm a reader.....and when I say a reader..I mean a reader...like if I don't have a stack of books OR my trusty Kindle, then I"m a little nervous.  I don't read for social value...do you?  Sometimes I'm embarrassed because some of my friends do read books that are deep. Me?? Not so much.  Can I tell you how darn excited I am about having a new Nora Roberts on my Kindle?  Her characters always become my best friends.  And I miss them when they are gone.  So anyway.....I"m teaching school today.....and trying my BEST not to pull my Kindle out.  Why did I take the darn thing anyway??  Hmmmm....tried to read it by casually looking in my desk....tried to read it by every now or then looking in my lap.  Tried to read it underneath a huge stack of papers I was supposed to be grading.  Those darn kids...they had questions to answer, examples to give, adjectives to figure out.  Nora, I"m sorry.  You don't pay my bills...and if I don't work...you don't sell books.  I'm a reader.